(Honest thoughts on raising kids with heart and clarity)
Parenting doesn’t come with perfect documentation — and certainly not with a bug-free implementation.
There’s no one-line method called raise_child(empathetic, confident).
Instead, it’s a constant try…catch.
“Sometimes, I punish him.”
Yes, I do.
Not out of anger, but instinct. Maybe tiredness. Maybe frustration.
And sometimes… because I truly didn’t know what else to do in the moment.
But here’s the part that matters:
After that, I sit with him. I ask why he did it.
I explain why it wasn’t okay.
I don’t just raise my voice. I lower myself to his level.
It’s not about control. It’s about connection.
Kids don’t listen to lectures. They observe humans.
If I mess up, I try to own it.
He watches that.
If I lose my temper, I circle back and talk about it.
He watches that too.
My kid is not a “good boy” just because he follows what I say.
I want him to question. To know why.
Not because I told him, but because he understood it.
So which is right? Punishment or understanding?
Let me be honest.
Both exist. But one should lead the other.
Punishment, when needed, must come from a place of clarity.
Not as a shortcut to obedience, but as a path to realization.
Understanding always follows — and sometimes, should even replace it altogether.
Because understanding creates awareness.
And awareness is the real discipline.
But hey, we’re human.
We slip.
Sometimes we punish before we pause.
Sometimes we shout before we understand.
But if you sit down later, look into those small eyes, and say:
“Appa also makes mistakes. Let’s both try again tomorrow.”
That child learns the most valuable lesson we can teach:
Grace.
Parenting isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present.
There’s no algorithm for raising a child with heart.
But there’s always space for small updates.
Some patches take time to apply. Some fixes run deep.
But never forget —
Kids don’t grow on commands.
They grow when they feel safe, seen, and supported.
And that… takes understanding.
Even when we start with punishment.
If this resonates, pass it on. Not as advice. But as reflection.
We’re all building our versions of parenthood.
Brick by brick. Word by word.
Mistake by mistake.
With love at the core.
– LekshmanaIn
Lekshmana Perumal Murugan 